jonnyfun

A city by the beach down by La Jolla

2011-11-23T22:45:00.001Z

So, I went back to CA. Many years after the first visit (see archives). I was in a city that came up in one of the DVDs.

I met up with people who knew worked with Vivian and Joe. That was pretty cool. We talked about avoidance reduction, and the fact that stuttering's ok.

I brought up the blanket of acceptance, rather than the defeatist suggestion that it's just throwing in the towel that was suggested in academia recently. Pah to that!

Today back over this side of the water and still struggling with time, I found some notes today that I made years ago. Possibly during the first trip where me and the Prof met Vivian.

For voluntary stuttering on vowels... you can prolong them too sometimes, there are leaps of faith that you have to take. But it's ok, it's a curb not a cliff that you're jumping off.

Another more general one...

Don't worry about letting it go.

We hold on to stuff, carry it with us. It's ok to let it go too. Easier said than done for me.

San Diego

2011-11-22T00:34:00.002Z

mad for:

1. everything being AWESOME (even tho the lady who said that wasn't there)
2. being a fan of Marc
3. legroom caused by infants
4. Daisy
5. hanging with the guys and cancellation
6. more DVDs on the way
7. a city down by the beach near La Jolla
8. Mexicans with wooden lightsabers (blue)
9. straightforward trolleys going round the bend
10. free drinks magic cards that duplicated
11. awards' ceremonie's apostrophes' eroor
12. 249 employees (was 250, see #11)
13. speechie Oscars
14. buying a blazer
15. sincerity
16. fish tacos
17. fish tacos
18. fish
19. tacos
20. a rhyme for how much water weighs
21. girls with biblical names yet newfangled attitudes
22. sliders
23. otters
24. being international
25. hotel living
26. "passenger pog, that's p-o-g-u-e"
27. speaking up in class
28. craft beer
29. international MANSIG
30. being greeted like a dignitary
31. 1-800-GOT-BAIL
32. the antipodeans

not mad for:

1. smoking the wrong way round
2. the knock on effect of being a fan of Marc (being late)
3. luggage malfunction and explosive bananas at critical security point.
4. not getting certain texts
5. asking questions like a foreigner
6. keycard reminders
7. all night bells all night long.
8. struggling to be Macca under pressure (thumbs down)
9. blazers
10. small appetites
11. side plates that last 3 meals
12. being timeless
13. zoo depression (lack of hi5ing animals)
14. Mariah Carey.
15. lack of touristy tat shop
16. my lack of post vocalic /r/ and not being understood.

well i guess...

2011-07-31T03:20:00.000+01:00

it doesn't matter anymore.

right now

2011-06-02T15:27:00.001+01:00

it's all quite beautifully pointless.

getting into this...

2010-08-11T01:23:00.001+01:00

...is taking longer that i'd thought... ¡exclamation!

do or do not. there is no try.

note to self.

you kiss by the book

2010-07-25T00:12:00.003+01:00

Just back from being on tour with...

'You Kiss By The Book'

Here's a vague account of what went on!

Mad for;
1. Being on tour (and having the right badge)
2. Surviving trying times
3. Masks and the approximate numerical value of the craic
4. Strobing for rocking out
5. Orfo
6. Hefty DJs feat. the Carpenters
7. The Hi-B and double vay double vay double vay ou l’internet
8. Guards who suggest €1 shopping trolleys for next time
9. Sleeping on the floor
10. Free starters after the main course
11. Bullseye on the first dart.
12. Girls who get the words right eventually then take over the stage
13. Your father I am
14. Barry’s tea (what else?)
15. Ear plugs!
16. Limerick luxury
17. The church of Blek
18. Retro footie shirts (made in communist Ireland)
19. Steak or shark?
20. Pissing like a chook and variants on a kissing by the book theme
21. The faint unfulfilled hope of exploring city centres
22. Making a road movie
23. Being a country gentleman for a few days

Not mad for;
1. Uninvited guests (who incidentally fail to live up to initial descriptions)
2. Skidding (x2)
3. Too many burgers
4. Pedestrianisation of useful thoroughfares before 6.30 p.m.
5. Best before/worst after pistachios
6. Pay to play? NO WAY! Fun curtailers
7. Really big holes in ears
8. Raw fish, white wine and perhaps something else – rules are there to help.
9. Early closing and terrible pub music
10. Being grouped with the self proclaimed dregs of Corcaigh, like.
11. Still being rubbish at darts after a promising start
12. Batteries dying just when things are about to get interesting
13. The sound engineer who was on a promise
14. Spelks from an electronic instrument
15. Forgetting to have pizza

sequestered

2010-03-17T17:01:00.001Z

i can't believe i've only just found this word!

i wonder what lexical fun awaits...

two thousand and then...

2010-01-05T01:57:00.001Z

i finally started writing it.

monkey hanging postponed due to snow

2009-12-28T14:08:00.001Z

sometimes life just isn't fair.

i was so looking forward to a day out.

the girleens

2009-10-18T20:21:00.003+01:00

i met up with the girleens last night. [see november 2004 for their first appearance].

it had been ages since i had met them in their entirety, assembled in their full ranks.

they just rang to wish me a happy NSAD and it all went from there.

in truth, i had. and it continued on.

i hope you too had a happy NSAD and i wish you a delightful ISAD when it arrives!

waterville, co kerry

2009-09-05T17:40:00.003+01:00

a few weeks ago, we went on a trip.

you know the routine by now.

mad for:

1. tetrapod
2. jfun's driving [i of course go along with this]
3. bales of hay
4. lock robster
5. o'dwyers
6. kiki's compass baby bladder
7. lighthouse cafe
8. the virgin stump
9. lovely taxi driver man
10. muinteór
11. snoopy watch
12. porple
13. valentia
14. goosers
15. the possibility of statues of ourselves in waterville
16. not drowning
17. guinness
18. smirnoff ice (in the moment)
19. pilot
20. 'lads'
21. women minding their own business as jfun merges and overtakes
22. women getting the turf
23. the view
24. epaulettes

not mad for:

1. tetrapod tracks
2. b&b grub and hostess
3. barn dance
4. lobster
5. rathkeale (the ghost town of the virgin stump)
6. WALL-E ball
7. complications of shower
8. lack of boozers in waterville
9. pilot [really? it's a fine line]
10. talk of death before ferry
11. early bills
12. puking in lane way against the wind three times
13. men watching jfun merge and overtake
14. the wind and subsequent wind burn
15. lack of signage

sugarplex?

2009-08-30T05:16:00.003+01:00

spotify?

potato, potato?

no matter what you call it, it keeps the party going til five bells.

at least...

we recommend bee gees 'love you inside out' at this point in time.

spirits having flown, indeed.

keep moving forward

2009-08-16T21:31:00.001+01:00

note to self.

3 things

2009-07-20T23:25:00.003+01:00

i had a cool weekend over near brum. i saw nigel of the rings. we watched lots of filums and ran eachother into the ground and cheerled too.
i am enjoying earl grey tea, quite a lot.
cool stuttering will continue in this here city. this is marvellous news as it might have gone into hiatus for a while. but no blocks, it is moving forward. yay for broken mouths.

am i useful?

2009-05-13T18:40:00.002+01:00

today, i was playing 20 questions with a 10 year old kid. i get paid to do this. sad thing is i rarely win. i will get over it.

so, i have already asked 'am i an animal?' and 'am i furniture?', two of my popular openers.

i then went stlighly off my usual path and said 'am i useful?'.

without... hesitation, she said 'yes, you help kids who find it hard to talk'.

validation. at last.

modern mum

2009-04-05T14:06:00.002+01:00

i got namechecked in the spring 2009 edition.

just letting you know...

keep it green

2009-03-17T16:10:00.002Z

just for today.

i have not left the house yet, but i predict...

happy people
a few unhappy people
rivers of spew (which is better than rivers of blood)
silly hats
general pedestrian spillover leading to erratic taxiing and beeping
a green tinge (i am coordinated for a change, like) with blue lights
random cheering
a long day tomorrow

i'll keep you posted.

yeh, deadly

2009-03-10T21:53:00.002Z

some new songs and a vidjo by yeh deadlies.

cock an ear! hear here!

ring a ling

2009-03-04T21:57:00.002Z

my mate nigel makes things, like these.

when i first met nigel he thought i was going to die from an asthma attack.

i did not, and never have had asthma.

i did used to breathe like bejaysus back in the day though.

i have since copped myself on and gotten over it.

gasp.

my namesake

2009-01-13T22:32:00.002Z

today i learned that a child who i work with has named one of his goldfish after me.

i was a bit stunned, but v flattered.

i hope that i live a long and happy life.

thursday

2008-12-25T13:50:00.003Z

i'd just like to wish you a happy whatever you're celebrating, be it solstice or kwanzaa, christmas or hannuka - i think there's a song in there.

i'd also like to wish all you readers the best for the year ahead and hope that you're happy with what you have.

i'd especially like to send tim and wendy e-christmas greetings and give them a special mention! they text me every year on this day, and i don't think i know who they are. i do go along with it though and receiprocate. tis the season to be randomly friendly after all!

nollaig shona dhuith.

an abominable christmas

2008-12-19T23:18:00.002Z

have a listen to this.

big monster love did a CD, and it features jonny fun and the... hesitations.

we are in good company and there are some AWEsome tunes for you to enjoy.

mad for from shelly jo

2008-12-14T18:13:00.002Z

our chi-town exploits...

mad for giant coffee beans
not mad for frowning frogs
mad for everything AWESOME
not mad for pumpkins that have been smashed - literally
mad for irish pubs
not mad for drunk american women who like to insert jf into every sentence
mad for blue moon and fat tire
not mad for unquoted quotes (more on this later - jf)
mad for pizza and singing outloud
not mad for missing tickets
mad for sewing kits
not mad for racoon fur
mad for chicago snow
not mad for chicago bitter face melting cold
mad for yaruss
not mad for missing earrings
mad for jf coming to visit
not mad for jf leaving

p.s. from me...

i was also mad for FLAGS! until it became tiresome. then i was not mad for them. so, in summary.

mad for FLAGS!
not mad for FLAGS!

four years ago and now this

2008-11-19T02:33:00.003Z

i was in america.

now i am back! have you american readers felt the positive vibe? yes, that's me.

i was here last time for stuttery stuff, when i went to see vivian with the prof. we learned lots and had a good old stuttery time. sadly, vivian died this year. but her ideas live on as we share her stories of soup on stoves and easy stuttering.

so, what am i doing here? i am kinda on holiday, but i'm also here to see shelly jo. she is a mouth fixer (as you should know by now) and she thinks about stuff too. she's presenting at ASHA later this week, so i said i'd come and see how they do it here.

anyway, today i went for an MRI scan, which uses magnetism to look at brain structure and function. good news. i do have a brain after all. i now have a picture to prove it. as an additional bonus, it seems to work and does not show any blips up that may suggest my blogging may cease anytime soon. i do have mild congestion though in my nasal cavity, so don't read too close.

i was in the machine for 2 hours! they had to reboot several times as it was being a bit temperamental. i was pretty ok with this, but my back hurt like bejaysus after a bit. regular readers will remember about my other condition to accompany my broken mouth... crooked back knack.

basically, i was put half way in a tube with not a lot of room, and requested to move minimally. then some pictures were shown (one of the dear old queen, which made me laugh each time i saw it - 'hellowe, you may recognise me from stamps and money') and i had to say "queen" or whatever it was. after that i had to listen for a particular sound and click a button. these tests were to see how my stuttery brain worked in compairson to a nonstuttery brain. there might be some differences doncha know?

*then* (this felt like 3 weeks after i'd been interred) the machine clunked at me (it being a series of magnets) to see what shape my brain was. i can reveal, my brain is brain shaped and has the bits in the right places. relief all round.

i had to keep a straight face once more as one of the magnet sounds had a characteristic 'guhguhguhguhguhgugh' quality, which was kinda like stuttering. moving would have buggered up the scan so i kept my serious professional head on, underneath my hairnet. no, really.

so, there you have it. i have been part of a research study and am the wiser for it. oh, and i had a blood sample taken for genetic purposes. they want to cross my clone with a carrot, or parrot, or something

i dunno, they talk funny here.

two one

2008-10-26T18:16:00.000Z

that is all.

today

2008-10-24T20:32:00.003+01:00

...is the first day in AGES where i've done nothing.

clearly i've done a few things e.g.

- get up (always a challenge)
- have a hair cut (equally taxing)
- do some interweb housework (not as easy as pissing about on youtube)
- eat pringles (pretty easy, but i am experienced - do not try this at home)
- think about the morra and all it may hold (again, i have done this regularly)

you get the idea, i'm sure, you clever bunch of readers, you.

but, to clarify, there's been nothing i really had to do. it's been quite nice.

fyi - click here for this year's update on the stutteriest month of the year.

pax funus.

i need a lie down after that

2008-08-24T17:56:00.005+01:00

just back from the wedding of the year 2008 (ROI). bejaysus.

a summary, an bhfuil se ceart go loir?

mad for...

1. pepto bismol and it's mother nature like healing quality
2. the unmentionables
3. tay agus soup
4. funworld!
5. pony trekking
- i. being 2 or 3k from anywhere
- ii. being "good family value"
- iii. associated artwork
6. black out blinds
7. musical driving
8. the anticipation of the next... tune
9. dancing like stevie nicks then dancing like a choreographed muthadancer
10. baby what o'shea
11. free food cupboard - mayo anyone?
12. eating crisps in the car
13. wheelies (see 12)
14. wearing pink like a man
15. be safe be seen - SNAP!
16. the cars - drive
17. strongly disliking duffy (edit)
18. dancing (so good it made it thrice)
19. the price of entrance to big monster love
20. taking heads stopping andy from vomiting
21. rock lobster
22. the catholic marriage manual on vinyl and advice on 'the nagging wife'
23. disco jesus and mary
24. staying til the end
25. the reason we were all there in the first place

not mad for...

1. amy winehouse in perpetua
2. sea fret and not having a view
3. not finding the owlery
4. that rover that drove too slowly
5. no toilet paper
6. eating crisps in the car
7. wheelies not pushing for world domination
8. duffy
9. lack of teleportation to take us to david byrne's organ house
10. no "machine with the buttons [+pointing gesture]" in various places
11. 5 miles to chips
12. time being the blink of an eye to most people
13. near death experience on the shoulders of grave deene (i knew he was named such for a reason)
14. the best (worst 90's indie britpop packaged) anthems in the world... ever (at double speed)
15. going home

mouthfixers of the world unite

2008-06-08T20:59:00.004+01:00

how do you do?

this weekend saw danny and shelly jo come to this here city. they, like me, spend time fixing broken mouths. we had a lot of fun (obviously, i was present and fun was guaranteed). we had a day with other mouth fixers and did some learning about cluttering - which is linked to stuttering. our time before, during and after can be summarised thus/thereto...

mad for;

1. how do you do?
2. "ding dong"
3. an amazing selection of cheeses
4. red frilly shirts
5. a a a a a a a a a (loudly)
6. two one armed fishermen jokes
7. leaving on a jet plane
8. hao wang jiao
9. permission to stutter, discussion of same and clinical efficacy around the world
10. the pint and the virtual vineyard that was drunk
11. claddagh rings
12. smoking gardens
13. filthy mcnasties
14. naive barmen and resulting filthy mclovelies
15. "nooooooooooo, i need a rope" and the kindness of strangers
16. canoe kazoo?
17. the FACT/MYTH! dichotomy
18. the perfect randomness of the whole weekend

not mad for;

1. leaving on a jet plane
2. not getting to see the mummies
3. the f word (see previous rant)
4. exercises in sleep deprivation
5. having to concentrate on my vowels - this should be natural, e.g. "neat"
6. I.T.
7. stress headaches over things that don't really matter
8. insecurity brought on by claddagh rings

all in all, a good auld ratio there.

i shall return with some more stuttery thoughts soon.

pax funus

2007-12-21T18:34:00.000Z

it's a few days before christmas eve...

have a listen

the first one's by jf&th

twice in a year!

2007-11-15T00:00:00.000Z

today i bought another pair of shoes.

real shoes this time i tells ya.

my first since (IIRC) 1999.

christ, prince was a young lad looking for a party back then.

so, what's the odds on going for the hat-trick?

answers on a proverbial.

the stutteriest month of the year

2007-10-01T23:15:00.000+01:00

no folks, my mouth isn't in melt down. i have not fallen apart. the earth does not creak as my tangled tongue tries to say 'actually' as i avoid like a proverbial.

"then what is it?" you ask.

i am getting to that, i reply.

it's october!

oh yes, it's october.

so?

international stuttering awareness day is in october, or ISAD as the kids call it.

and you don't have to be sad at ISAD, you can have a great old time.

last year we went and gave leaflets on stuttering, and balloons to the people of dublin.

some folk were receptive. others looked at us like we were mentalists. did we care? not really. we were as desensitised as great big melted icebergs.

so have a look at the stuttering homepage and you can see the online conference.

even if your mouth is not broken you can have a read, us stuttery folk are nice like that.

pax stutteramus.

one step at a time

2007-06-25T22:24:00.000+01:00

i did it. finally.

i took mambo's advice and went and bought me some shoes.

i took seán the australian with me (so as to not make any epic fashion error).

suffice to say, the boy done good.

next, some t shirts.

how to choose shoes

2007-05-14T18:30:00.000+01:00

i have a problem buying shoes. i am the polar opposite of that marcos woman.

mambo has advised me thus...

"go to shoe shop. look. if any shoe tickles your fancy, ask for that shoe (in your size - no point in trying on a shoe too small, or too big). try said shoe on. if you like, buy it. leave the shop. do not look back. that's always worked for me."

i'm not convinced. too much fear.

excellent

2007-05-12T15:22:00.001+01:00

it appears that blogger cannot cope with my new name.

good works mambs.

my new name

2007-05-12T15:17:00.000+01:00

mambo sent me a moo-mail yesterday, and he called me this.

jonnyfunwhohasbeenpublishedonacdromandonapieceofpaperandwhoisalsoaseniormouthfixerwhoalsoisaconsumerofstuttering

it made me laugh so i thought i'd share it with you. it refers to me being a broken mouthed SLT who has had some nonsense writ in a journal thing.

a certain fondness

2007-04-06T22:39:00.000+01:00

nostalgia, it's good to look back, but don't stare.

last night i went up to the drog. i was up seeing big monster love do a gig, and to play melodica for him, and the good people of mcphail's.

sadly they just wanted to listen to a covers band. no shame in that, but they missed out on a treat by not listening to BML, with all their ears.

i had a great night and saw some old faces from the town i know so well. i didn't really like the drog for a lot of the time i was there. our relationship started a big negatively, and it struggled to recover until near the end when my parole came up and i knew my days were numbered.

drogheda, it's good to go back, but don't stay.

big stutter 5

2007-03-31T19:31:00.000+01:00

it's been ages since i blogged anything about stuttering. it's a good day for it.

we just finished up another week in the big stutter house. today we were evicted.

9 more broken mouthed individuals have accepted their stuttering a little more, and lessened their shame, embarrassment, guilt and pain.

we did a lot of open stuttering this week in billybraggan. obviously we followed 'the methodology', keeping eye contact, and doing a good bit of stuttering on purpose, but open stuttering was picked up by the boys and girls this week.

permission to stutter was granted, and acted upon.

we'll be meeting up again in 4 weeks to see how they got on. i'm looking forward already. they were all really motivated, and shirked no difficult situation.

i know that they'll find it tough in the outside world. they have a general direction and know which way is forward, even though on many days they will slip back.

slippage. like sliding. only backwards.

however as a clever man once writ... 'relapse is not the end, simply another therapeutic stage'.

before i leave you - a stuttering joke that many of you people with non broken mouths will just wonder at.

why did the stutterer cross the road?

...to get to the other slide.

pax stutteramus

the day after the day after the week before

2007-03-19T17:54:00.000Z

well, that was fun.

i did lose a button off of my coat, and my keys, and had a sense of being stuck between blackrock and a gardiner place.

i was rescued from vagrancy by andy glock, on what turned out to be his birthday. i thank him graciously for his couch and his breakfast.

my keys were in the porterhouse, where the beer monkeys [sic] had hidden them.

before i go, i offer you one questioning thought.

where do all the people go for the rest of the year?

('cos nealy everyone was out out and about this weekend.)

yours questioningly.

finally, it has happened to me

2007-03-12T18:33:00.000Z

yes, i feel like ce ce peniston finding love.

i have been turned on.

to broadband.

i have an uncanny fear that i will now wake up and realise it's 1.39 a.m.

ni howiya

2007-02-18T19:21:00.000Z

just wishing you all the best from dublin's chinatown.

no really, there is one.

my blog of revelation

2007-01-31T23:18:00.000Z

so, i have been tagged. not like a criminal. christ on a bike, i can't even get broadband over here, so there's no hope of being tagged like that.

here's "six weird things you wouldn't necessarily guess about me".

on with the show...

1. i still have a brace. it's behind my bottom front teeth. as opposed to my
front bottom teeth, which i think some ladies have. or was that my mate john's
dream? NEXT!

2. i am currently sporting a beard. it's the first time i've ever had one. i was
always concerned that sporting any kind of facial decoration would make me unsuitable for working with children. i've not yet been called the nice lady with the beard, but it's early days.

3. related to 2 - i don't like getting my hair cut. this is not that weird and probably a bit guessable if you saw me. i don't like change. change is never good. except loose change. change that you can go back on, if you think you've made an arse.

4. following kevin's divulgence of his spinal deficit, i'll tell you that i have scheuermann's disease. don't worry, i will make it to the end of this blog. it just explains my stoop, and suggests that if i make it past 40 i will be looking at you from through my legs, backwards.

5. i was chucked off silksworth dry ski slope, sunderland, for being unable to stop (aged 14?). who needs to stop when you can crash into a wall, i ask you?

6. i've had blond highlights. twice. first as a young thing in edinburgh. then, the second time, while in sheffield, my girlfriend threatened that she'd dump me if i ever got highlights again. she then dumped me. i got highlights. we got back together. they were lush. quod erat demonstrandum.

i bet you're somewhere between impressed and apathetic after that... i do not blame you.

so, who be next?

laura

keeping it in the family

2007-01-29T00:00:00.000Z

i have been tagged by cousin kevin.

i have to think of six "weird things you wouldn’t necessarily guess about me".

i've been thinking all weekend, and have not filled my quota.

i will return, once i hit my target. oh yes. i'm management material.

sleepwalking

2007-01-23T20:38:00.000Z

twice in two days? my oh my, i am fast becoming prolific. better watch that.

i had some sensible stuff to write about but i reckon it'll keep. and i realise that i've not talked about stuttering for ages. this is 'cos i have been cured by the pox. possibly.

so, on to today's main news story. sleepwalking. a terrible affliction that i think i have contracted.

or perhaps i am just going MENTOL.

i love my job. i jump out of bed to go to it. by 'love' i mean 'tolerate' and with 'jump' i mean 'fall, grudgingly'. today i had a meeting first thing, and as those of you who are familiar with my work will testify, mornings do not suit me. 10 a.m. is good.

may i set the scene for you? it is dark, nightime as it is called around the anglophonedworld. i am asleep. very asleep.

i wake in a semi-blind panic, look over at the clock, disbelieving that it is 7.30 already, i check my phone. yes, the truth hurts, i must moisten my flesh. i go and start to moisten my flesh, the water's not that hot, i presume my early start has confused the hot water timer. i have a record quick shower, ten minutes-ish (+VAT), and go back to my room, proudly checking the clock, at my spartan efforts to get up and ready in this winter of discontent.

bless us and save us.

1.40.

1.40.

nah.

check the phone.

1.39.

it's even earlier!

now, because i am jonny fun, i did find this hilarious. after my initial wondering if it was all a dream, i looked at the postive side... i still had about 6 hours sleep to get!

so i did. i went back to sleep, cold and giggling, and with slightly damp hair.

later, like normal people, i got up at the prescribed time (put my hair right, it had gone BIG), and even made the meeting. for which i was early.

no more lastminute.fun until the morra.

sleep well folks, i think we all deserve it tonight.

sunderland: a tourist's guide

2007-01-21T21:23:00.000Z

here's something light hearted to hopefully cheer you.

now, i didn't write this. secretly i wish i had.

i first saw this many moons ago, but lost it in the great computer disaster of 2003 in drogheda, co. louth. it was recently returned to me via a mackem in italy. alas, i don't know who to credit, but i will gladly buy them a pint. unless they're a m@g.

the future's bright, the future's mackem.

***

Sunderland, tucked away in the north east of England, is a hidden gem. After its discovery by missionaries in the nineteenth century it became a vibrant area forcrime, NHS blunders, and unemployment. The town is the ideal launch-pad for a tour of fascinating heavy industrial sites, desolate brownfield locations and unsuccessful emergency regional funding projects. The centre has a lively nightlife and boasts numerous working-men's clubs, fine chip shops and a smallishdog-track.

Sunderland's famous sons are few and far between, and one might be tempted to dismiss it as one of the more insignificant towns in England. Yet nothing could be further from the truth. Its inhabitants, affectionately known as Mackem c****, have a long and honourable tradition of making salt, possess a famously polluted river, and the population is renowned for its cheeky car thieves and disabled housebreakers

Full name: The town of Sunderland
Area: 5.6 sq km
Population: No. of benefit claimants divided by two
People: 4% Simian, 4% Gypsy, 2.6% Human
Language: Slurred
Religion: 60.1% Heathen, 32.5% Scientologist, 7.4%Mithras
Local Government: Old Labour
GDP per head: US$74
Annual growth: -5%
Inflation: 10%
Major industries: Scrounging, wheel-theft, graffiti,eating (esp.processed foods and lard pie).
Major trading partners: Peterlee, Stanley
Twinned with: Mogadishu, Apeworld (Wroclaw, Poland)

Facts for the Traveller
Visas: Make your own with crayons and see if they tell the difference.
Health risks: Botulism, foot-and-mouth, staggers
Time: GMT minus fifteen years
Electricity: 220V, 50 Hz (limited coverage)
Weights & measures: Fish, loaves
Tourism: 20 visitors per year

When to Go
Sunderland is shrouded in gloom for around eleven months of the year. July can be spectacular, but is normally wet. Like Paris and Rome, the town is quiet in August, but unlike anywhere else it stays that way all year round. Not for nothing is the word Sunderland derived from the old Norse for "hell-hole inmourning". Autumn is beautiful, elsewhere, but the skies in this town are resolutely murky. November is one of the rainiest months of the year. Winter is cold, often bleak, and most shops closed.

Events
Sunderland's major celebration is the Spring Relegation Festival (May), a two-week cultural extravaganza of wailing and grinding of teeth. Tourists come from afar to wear sackcloth and ashes, and a month of hard solitary drinking culminates withthe crucifixion of a curious half-man half-monkey inthe town square. The symphony orchestra has an international reputation. Not. Sunderland's glass-engraving industry reached itsapogee at the beginning of the twentieth century and also proved an enduring source of entertainment to local vandals.

Money & Costs
Currency: Groat (Gt)

Meals
Chips: 2-3 Groats
Chips and big sausage: 3-5 Groats
Cup of mutton-fat: 6 Groats and upwards.

Lodging
Bus station: 5-7 Groats
Tent: 7-8 Groats
Fat slapper's hoose: 8 Groats and upwards

Sunderland remains a bargain destination for foreign travellers. If you pull, eat only fat and suet, and walk everywhere, you should get away on about 12 Groats a day without scrimping. Changing money is awkward. There are no banks, so everything is black-market. Shopping is even more frustrating. Despite the European Commission's best efforts, even the most westernised shops deal in pounds and ounces. Most rely on barter, so it's wise to bring proof of title to livestock, grazing land, or serfs.

Culture
Um. How to put this... Sunderland has always lived in the shadow of its bigger brother up the road, even to the extent of copying its bridge. Consequently, the locals have a chip on their shoulders about the quality of their football, beer and cultural life. That said, there is plenty going on around the town, apparently most of it involving line-dancing classes or violent beatings. Youngsters are made to watch videos teaching them how to wash properly, while it's long been a tradition among the older populace to enjoy hours of daytime television.

Suffrage is universal, but Sunderland recently made history when it was the first constituency to cast no votes at all in European elections. Those keen on making friends with the locals might consider bringing gifts of ribbons, bells, or brightly-coloured paper and foil.

Getting There
Earthworks from a putative canal linking Sunderland with Newcastle can still be seen on an escarpment near the centre. The project was unsuccessful. The railway reached the town several decades after most provincial towns were connected, and on fine days the station's single platform is still crowded with curious citizenry who come to marvel at the technology and speculate as to the relative speeds of trains and horses.

Getting Around
Walking is by far the most convenient way to get around this compact little town. Most tourists stay indoors from dusk onwards, but for andrenalin-junkies a visit to any of the pubs around the Bridges Shopping Centre offers the thrill of a remarkably violent atmosphere from around 7pm. Owing to the smog which bathes the town after dark, it can be difficult distinguishing between the sexes of the populace; visitors seeking romance should take extra care.

enjoy your trip. ftm

information super country lane

2007-01-05T23:02:00.000Z

they fixed my phone!

and i can dial up to the interweb.

it's an old fashioned modem, but it works, and i can type to you, just like this.

look.

see.

that's me typing.

yay.

all the best for 1907.

a wise lady wrote...

2006-12-30T13:48:00.000Z

"2006 has been a strange year with many new things. but it's also been a year where it has become apparent that though many things are new, few things actually change."

what i'm getting for christmas...

2006-12-20T17:05:00.000Z

you know what i'm getting? i already know. the doctor told me today...

chicken pox!

to quote terry collier, "if it wasn't for bad luck, i'd have no luck at all".

what a pile of shite.

i knew i'd get it one day. even someone so sneaky as i cannot escape for ever. those pesky kids who dribble, spultter and cough around me all year have a lot to answer for. little shits.

it's not too itchy yet, but the nice doctor said maybe tomorrow that will hit. which is great 'cos i'm driving home for proverbial. i was meant to go to glasgow, but mightn't now as i will be spreading pestilence.

i have to sneak onto the boat, trying to look healthy. i'd sport a balaclava, but they aren't recommended in belfast these days.

with any luck the boat will sink, cool my itches and 2007 will not have a chance to wreak havoc on my rapidly decaying body.

yours optimistically.

fun boy one.

love

2006-11-22T21:32:00.000Z

it's a four letter word.

put it away.

in a tin.

in a cupboard.

high up.

almost out of reach.

just not quite out of reach.

you never know when you might need it someday.

where's ye wheelie bin?

2006-11-08T16:45:00.000Z

i's bin wheelie busy.

no, that's not the real punchline, but it's more suitable for a family show such as this.

in summary, i moved house, and am also changing jobs at the moment. and still not online at home. i have had many problems with many people in big organisations, and can only conclude that a mix of fascism and incompetence is rife in modern society.

of course, this is reflective in me resenting having to sit in smelly e-café's to post more moans, when really i should have been enjoying the sun.

the sun has of course gone now, and we are verging on a bleak winter. when it gets to the mid we can all burst into dreary carol, should carol let us.

what nonsense i am spouting, you can tell i've forgotten how to ride my blogging bike. i hope to be online again before 2007. i used to joke about that date in july, but it is a sad reality of life on the island.

anyway, keep smiling, and even if you can't manage that in these trouble times it's ok 'cos being happy on the inside counts double.

pax funus

IFA2006

2006-07-30T18:39:00.000+01:00

so, it's been and done and gone.

no, not the Irish Farmer's Assocation gig, the International Fluency (I'll say it this time!) Association 5th World Congress.

my pre-congress goal was to buy some livestock, sell my stutter, and operate at a small financial profit.

i failed on all three, but it was mint. and lush. and a bit stuttery.

mad for

1. meeting folks who make my brain think, and reassure me that what we're doing is along the right lines. always good.
2. keeping sheehan's irish roots alive by comparing iceberg to a pint of guinness in our presentation.
3. tom (of thestutteringbrain.blogspot.com) demonstrating that he can make flames and flowers dance from 50 metres by doing a diaphragmatic 'la'. v funny. this should be a keynote address at a conference of the future.
4. meeting the our time theatre company (NYC) at last, them meeting our irish kids and inviting one of them up to perform with them at the big fancy dinner. they were inspirationational and a bit "awesome"
5. the IrishSA meeting the InternationalSA and realising that we have lots to do here but we've made a good start.
6. enjoying my stuttering at moments of stress, especially in the company of others.
7. house guests, and post mortems on what we all thought of it.
8. people getting confused by statistics in a presentation and clapping when 'discussion' came up as a slide, as they thought it was 'conclusion'. brain overload!
9. talking about going to croatia next year.
10. thinking about how good an impact stuttering is ultimately having on my life.

not mad for

1. far too many people going on about client led therapy. clinicians need to take responsibilty too. when clients are better informed then it's more appropriate to be collaborative. i agree that we as the stuttering folk are experts on our stutters but not everyone's an expert on how to get through it, that's what therapy and direction is about. bejaysus!
2. people who clearly jump from one therapy fad to the next even when they should know better. learn what works, and what doesn't work.
3. folk espousing theories without knowing what they're talking about, and presenting this as FACT. eep.
4. not getting to talk to some people i wanted to 'cos it was mad busy.
5. how much my legs hurt at this stage. i don't know why this is. as well as a broken mouth i now have sore legs. is there no justice?

i'm off for a wee lie down, and to ease my brain. it's quite full. i may need a spare one to store some of the stuff that's in there now. clearly the woman who tried to drive into me today was not using hers, i may ask to borrow it.

keep moving forward.

pax stutteramus.

the last post

2006-07-15T21:10:00.000+01:00

...from ellesmere.

yes folks, it's the last post to the blog from ellesmere.

it's been a busy day here. we're all moving out, and moving on. i've been here almost 2 years, but it's time to leave. the people who own the house are coming back, and it'd be too crowded. so i'm off to dublin 1. we've had a bit of a clean up today, so thanks to my lovely girlfiend too who has been v good and helpful in the move.

also, as if there wasn't enough to do, i finished writing our paper for the IFA, taking about how our DASers are doing good after 6 months. their broken mouths are healing, slowly but surely.

but to put all that in it's place, i had some sad news today. a friend from home died. louise had cancer, and she was younger than me. we grew up together. we wouldn't see eachother that much anymore. maybe just for a pint in the 'piper on christmas eve. that was the last time i saw her.

i found it hard to hear today and don't really know what i think. i didn't know what to say to her then either.

i know that i'll miss you, and miss seeing you in the 'piper.

more soon.

the f word

2006-07-11T22:39:00.000+01:00

sometimes i wonder if anyone is really listening.

i always talk about stuttering with clients and therapists as it gets to the point of the matter. people who stutter when they're (in or) past their teens have a pretty good chance that they will stutter for the rest of their lives. i.e. on some level there is no fix. it may reduce, but it is unlikely ever to go away completely.

myself and another DASer did a talk today to speechies on the subject of STUTTERING.

a couple of them asked questions afterwards about FLUENCY. even though throughout this we had repeatedly said the word STUTTERING and said how we thought that the F word was unrealistic and an unobtainable goal, resulting in negative self-perception in many cases post therapy.

if you can't achieve something 'cos your idea of it doesn't exist - but you believe it does - then you're always going to be disappointed.

and this happens all the time, people keep saying the f word in front of me. they are just not getting the point.

aaaargh.

sometimes i wonder if anyone is really listening.

mad for / not mad for

2006-06-11T23:51:00.000+01:00

me and bertie (merlin peacock) came up with this idea a few years ago on our tour of ireland.

it's the ideal way to remember your holiday. you can of course still use conventional photography.

you need two post cards (at least), preferably as tastless as possible. such as 'full irish breakfast' - featuring a pigs head, some oysters and a pint of guinness.

one of these you fill with things you are 'mad for', the other with things you are 'not mad for'. hopefully you will be blessed with more 'mad fors' than 'not mad fors'.

me and diane just went to austria and italy. here's our 'mad for/not mad fors'.

1. chistine og stavanger and uwe
2. meeting fun people at weddings
3. being jarvis cocker, or having him as your lover
4. all the same blood
5. the name merlin peacock
6. drinking early - every day
7. having the craic
8. sound of music nuns
9. classical/non-classical dance
10. consistency of pattern
11. 'damo' the photographer
12. ice cold beer, or soft drink, or wader
13. the austrian countryside
14. a brown paper package, tied up with string
15. swiming pools for concrete dwarves
16. caring about the world
17. being the cutest couple in norway
18. rejuvinating my a.r.s.e. in austria
19. seeing new dots in different places
20. salt and cloth flavour crisps
21. getting the boat into town
22. making the maid iron your clothes
23. italians singing like pavarotti
24. stick insects
25. jesus with no legs
26. reflections
27. cheersing ice cream
28. show me the way to vaporetta
29. escusi

not mad for

1. things being closed
2. receptionists without a monkey's chuff
3. casino internet
4. booking holicay on holiday
5. herds of japanese tourists when silence needed.
6. being the honeymoon couple
7. leather wearing facist nazi german doctors (we're not racist)
8. salty bread
9. working out that "liesl is older than my mother"
10. boring tourists
11. expressionless masks
12. not being ashamed of the human body
13. being a eunuch of language
14. nearness of fellow clientele
15. taxi drivers making up prices
16. nasty nasty wine man (may he choke on his ciabatta)
17. wet feet
18. using up your one question
19. four hours before 10 a.m.
20. "goddamnit" dwarf.

two things i like

2006-05-31T20:15:00.000+01:00

a.) finding unexpected money in my clothes.
b.) finding unexpected food in my clothes.

both of these happened to me today.

what exciting times we live in.

could we start again, please?

2006-05-25T23:30:00.000+01:00

i'd like to.

lastminute.fun

2006-05-09T22:02:00.000+01:00

why is everything i do so last minute?

is it

a. genetic - my dad is late?
b. tradition - i just am?
c. ironic - my name?

answers on a blog comment.

good news - i'm off ro the RCSLT cardigan conference in belfast the morra.

it's a speechie conference - 512 delegates.

how many blokes do you reckon will be in that number?

i reckon 15.
caroline says 12.
noreen says 8.
susy says 20.

(me and james are going, so you get a 2 head start).

answers also on a blog comment.

may the fourth be with you

2006-05-04T00:41:00.000+01:00

soon it will be

01:02:03/04:05:06

how mad is that?

i'm so excited i might still be up, you lot though will have probably missed it! LOSERS.

x

specific ocean

2006-05-03T17:17:00.000+01:00

today i was on a course, it was of course utter utter drivel.

"team based performance management".

4 random words combined, and a suspect theory created. genius.

more annoyingly, the woman who was delivering this 'TBPM' training (see, i'm with it), kept saying 'pacific' when she clearly should have been saying 'specific'.

i may yet have to move to a smaller island to escape coneheads, teams, and people who say 'pacific' when they should be saying 'specific'.

fear not, should i move, i will continue to blog and share my deep joy with you all though.

entente cordiale

2006-05-02T22:09:00.000+01:00

well, it happened.

'whatever happened to jonny fun?'

well, i'll tell ye.

it happened for the first time in ages.

it hardly happens anymore 'cos i live in a land where no-one knows him.

any idea?

someone said i looked like rodney bewes. posh mick (who i met at a party) told me i looked like him. posh mick was sporting a cravat, i borrowed it and thus looked even more like bob.

it always makes me laugh when someone just says 'rodney bewes' out of the bewe like that. i am sporting a bit of a bob ferris haircut these days i have to admit, but still, it was unexpected.

worry not, i've still got 'the old magic' (episode 10).

i also became a godfather for the first time, to isaac william.

thank you. thank you all.

conehead

2006-04-26T19:35:00.000+01:00

now, i can't just go straight into a.r.s.e. (part two), without a little deviation.

did i just write that? apparently so...

i live next door to conehead. in fact my street has about 4 coneheads on it.

a conehead can be described thus: a fool who puts a cone outside their house on the road where their car *should* be, so that when they come home they can park there. bejaysus, do they have to do this?

if conehead's in a rush his mam puts his cone out to protect his territory. they are nice people (and i've never seen them killing puppies) but they really need to get out more, and risk parking on the other side of the street (the sunny side).

however, to park there, they'd have to move another 'cone' - the mental family who live there are too cheap to even steal a cone and have constructed a triangular wooden structure with a brick in the middle (in lieu of cone).

i suppose it's more socially acceptable than pissing a car shape on the road.

oh dear, how i am so easily vexed.

a.r.s.e (part one)

2006-04-25T23:57:00.000+01:00

my two mates, bertie and sec c, have found my highly secret blog. good job i've not been slagging them...

i will reveal in due course how we put together an organisation called a.r.s.e. which was approximately 8 years ahead of its time. you will be amazed, and perhaps astounded.

more anon

i keep getting sidetracked

2006-04-20T00:01:00.000+01:00

...on posting to this blog.

been doing the jf&th website for the gig this weekend.

so it's not that i've forgotten you, it's just i keep getting sidetracked.

and i repeat myself...

gig o'clock

2006-04-10T22:27:00.000+01:00

am doing a gig soon, am quite excited.

the expressionists

2006-03-30T22:08:00.000+01:00

tonight i had a naan bread which, as i pointed out to my lady, looked like a head.

diane said back to me that it actually looks like the scream by edvard munch. i was amazed, and i would've saved it and sold it on e-bay, but i was hungry.

instead i may auction my wispa on e-bay soon though, best before 28-04-04.

any advance offers and i'll consider it.

my cousin kevin

2006-03-29T00:09:00.000+01:00

aalreet?

was away for the weekend to see my cousin kevin. he lives in (a) bath. i have to say i had a lush time, which will annoy him that i say this, 'cos he hates the word 'lush' 'cos it's geet geordie.

i've only started to see more of my cuz recently 'cos i was a bit of a social recluse. but he did introduce me to the housemartins and bach when i was a bairn. for this i am truly grateful.

we had lots of fun, drank a decent amount of proverbial, and played his ukulele - which was a new and excit8ing experience. so much so that i typed an 8 in the middle of the word 'experience', bet it nealy slipped past you...

kevin had a lady visiting called michelle, she was v nice and she had invented an italian type cheese on toast affair. it was, of course, lush.

i also went to bristol to see my mate dave who is getting married soon. he was dressed up as a baby. i never want to see my friends semi naked again. i would put a picture up but there are laws.

i almost missed 3 types of transport on my journey, but managed to get to and from dublin with my stomach intact. which is always a bonus.

i saw no clowns, but i did put clothes pegs on lots of people. not erotically, merely in a pub game way without them noticing. hours of fun, except when they clock you for being a nonce.

pax.

one two!

2006-03-13T22:15:00.000Z

01100111 01101001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01110000 01100101 01100001 01110011 00100000 01100001 00100000 01100011 01101000 01100001 01101110 01100011 01100101

clowns

2006-03-06T20:12:00.000Z

yesterday i drove past a clown in a car. not in a clown car, no, in a real car. he was at the traffic lights smoking a fag with his arm hanging out of the window. all dressed up and some place to go.

it made me larf.

also, can i draw your attention to www.dianelilley.com

?

she's no clown.

arctic monkeys / beer monkeys

2006-02-25T19:27:00.000Z

as almost none of you know, i lived in sheffield, south yorkshire (that england) for a couple for years.

in that time i had a band of certain fame; the beer monkeys.

we were named after the simians who (during and after a night out) rob you, beat out up, and leave you feeling shit and confused the next day thinking 'where's me money?' and 'where did that bruise come from?'. they also leave a bad taste in your mouth...

anyway. two bands from sheffield. the beer monkeys. fantastic band. arctic monkeys. ok band. how do i explain their main success?

two points. only two.

1.) they are still together (usually important for success)
B.) they had a better website.

other than that our stories are like twins, just the sort that don't look that much alike.

word to you duck.

12 minutes

2006-01-11T00:25:00.000Z

that's what it took me to go downstairs and make my sandwich for the morra. but it does save me money and means i get a nice sandwich. some people really don't know how to make
sandwiches, and it makes me sad, 'cos that's what their job is. perhaps they get no training, perhaps they've never had a sandwich before. at 12 minutes, perhaps i need training. perhaps i shouldn't have had pints beforehand. anyway, sweet
dreams. nn

shhh

2005-11-25T15:46:00.000Z

it's all a bit quiet today. you see, i've lost my voice.

well, not entirely. but i sound like floorboards when i speak. nice.

it also impacts on my stutter. funny. when i do slides, it seems to take a while before my vocal folds vibrate and make a noise - making my stutts a bit longer. and making it confusing for the chinese bloke in the pharmacy to understand me today.

we did ok though. i creaked, he looked, wondered, and sold me a pink spray and some lemsip.

my weekend is set. bring it on.

a very long time

2005-11-06T17:32:00.000Z

that's how long it's been since i wrote about stuttering on this blog.

and in this time i have heard people do some very long stutters. big blocks. big big blocks. acha.

we've done another course in billy b for people with "oral shackles". we have loosed some of these, and seen some smiles. also some tears. there is sad stuff in stuttering and there is some happy stuff in stuttering. this goes without saying, but you have to look at both to make big progress.

you still stutter, but it isn't the planet of the apes on your back anymore, just a small simian, who gives you nuts sometimes, as a treat.

look after your monkey.

word up.

have i forgotten about this?

2005-05-22T21:23:00.000+01:00

no, just been busy as i'm sure the rest of the world is.

the stuttering bods are doing good in the main. some falling flat on the proverbials but that's to be expected. we had a ministuttfestweekend and they were in good form. more stuttrin over the summer, i'll get back to you on how they are. in the meantime...

it's just gone 21.21

bless yourself.

could you hear us?

2005-04-11T17:00:00.000+01:00

'cos we were stuttering lots.

had a fine week on our first stuttering course in dublin. we taught people how to stutter, not to cover it up. "we scoff at false fluency" - thanks to joe and mambo for that one.

i told people, as joe did, that if you go for fluency "you'll fall flat on your facial contortions". they listened, and believed me. if only more people from the tribe of tangled tongues would do the same, we'd all feel a whole lot happier. none of this grimacing and gasping no never no more.

there's nothing wrong with stuttering, do it well, have a stuttfest.

we did.

pax stutteramus.

big stuttering coming soon

2005-03-24T20:34:00.000Z

friends of fun. i have been doing stuttering, like mambo. soon i will stutter with more people in the town of billybraggan. it'll be like like a big breathing course, but with no big breathing and lots of peeling stuttering onions and melting of bergs of ice.

am off to the wesht for the weekend. it'll be awake soon.

slán.

valentine's day is over

2005-02-16T19:12:00.000Z

thank you for the things you bought me
thank you for the card
thank you for the things you taught me
when you hit me hard.

bragg said that.

i meant to write it yesterday but i was out having a boozy do, again.

dolly parton day

2005-02-09T18:47:00.000Z

i noticed only today.

i hope others are celebrating it too... workin' 9.2.5

what a way to make a livin'

save the babies

2005-02-05T13:51:00.000Z

it's a bit of an order, rather than a request.

i've done me some listening to marvin today.

join me.

big stammering day out

2005-01-28T18:04:00.000Z

i'm getting a bit slack with my blogs. it's 'cos i'm being a media whore, and working my way up to being a media pimp.

tomorrow is a big stammering day out in dublin. lots of people like me will get together and stammer together. probably not at the same time as the building might fall down.

i've been ringing the newspapers, tv and radio - and some of them have been very interested in us. isn't that good?

if you want to know, www.stammeringireland.ie will tell you more about it - 'cos i'm really really tired and want to lie down, and it's only six bells...

time for the angelus!

almost famous

2005-01-13T18:29:00.000Z

i know that in some circles i am famous, and even infamous.

but today i was nealy on RTE's daytime entertainment programme 'the afternoon show'.

"nearly, jonny fun?" ask the kids on the street "what does that mean?"

well kids, that means that a nice lady rang me at 12.15pm today asking if i could go on the show and talk about stuttering! not being a regular viewer of 'tas' i assumed it was on radio, which naturally - being a man of the world and great integrity - i have done before. piece of piss.

i was then informed that rehearsals were at 2pm, which really freaked me out. 'cos it meant it'd be on tv, and live. gah!

anyway i said i'd ring them back - no need to look desperate at times like this. i had to get 'media clearance' from my work, and i also had to think about it 'cos i wasn't at all prepared.

it turned out that when i rang back, nineteen seconds later (to say i couldn't make it today), they were postponing the show. they said they might want me to do it in future though and...

they'd call me back.

i'll let you know what happens - i may get to meet a nolan sister!

tír na nÓg tv

2005-01-11T23:43:00.000Z

continuing on a theme...

the only tv channel i could find showing any elvis films on saturday was TG4 (tír na nÓg tv to all you turas teanga officionados out there). i thought that was a poor show by the other stations. shame on you.

disappointingly, TG4 had not dubbed elvis 'os gaeilge' - that would've been class. i may set this as an unlikely lifetime ambition for myself.

sunday was marginally better, i caught bits of 'viva las vegas' and 'this is elvis'. 'this is elvis' is a bit sad at the end, 'cos he's both half the man and twice the man he used to be, at the same time.

oiche mhaith (nn)

we can't go on together...

2005-01-08T15:48:00.000Z

with venetian blinds.

happy birthday elvis. he's 70 today.

no really he is. i saw having a pint in hanlon's just now.

he was wearing an 'i am 70 today' badge.

all the best hillbilly cat!

1905

2005-01-03T15:34:00.000Z

happy new year folks.

mambo's mam wrote him a card, and wished him all the best for 1905.

he wished me the same. i wish it to you, too!

eugene

2004-12-09T19:17:00.000Z

howdy kids,

this woman in work, although she knows me, keeps calling me eugene. in front of other people too.

it's funny, but also worrying.

'cos i have a shirt which says, in small letters on the back... 'eugene'.

we live in troubled times. be good

she didn't forget!

2004-12-05T17:21:00.000Z

every year my cousin sends me an advent calendar.

it arrived on friday! phew. i though she'd forgotten or i'd got too old, but no, all is well and i am the proud owner of aforementioned countdown clock.

i think this tradition may continue until one of us gets married or something more sinister happens - if anything can.

today i went for a drive up to the beach, and i played my WHAM! cd. it's amazing how you forget the really early singles, which is not entirely a bad thing. 'last christmas' is a work of art, and 'edge of heaven' is worth a wait in pergatory to hear. but while you're in purgatory you might hear the WHAM! rap. eep!

i thought about deleting that last paragraph, but i have no cool reputation to uphold...

young gun, having some fun, yeah!

a long november

2004-11-30T19:22:00.000Z

back a week and haven't had much time to keep you posted on my goings-on. soz, like.

me and the prof are well, if on different islands. we're both still having fun with our stutters and showing them to people. people really prefer it when you do nice sliding stutters rather than any extraneous movement. we're less tired too. more energy is left for other stuff like...

the irish speech and therapy conference i went to at the weekend. oh what fun i had. admittedly i was a bit scared 'cos i'd never been a room with so many wimmen before. not even when i went to see the chippendales.

i walked in on the friday morning and saw a sea of ladies (maybe 200), in cardigans. there were only about 5 blokes. i was a bit flustered so i went and got my boss and all round good egg noreen, who helped me walk into the room. i was not drunk as it was only ten bells, morningtime.

i got better as the day went on and was less of a gibbering wreck. alas me and patrick another stutterguru got a bit lashed as the night went on and we ended up as gibbering wrecks. maria was clever and she didn't stay to gibber in unison with us. i don't remember getting back to my b&b but i did hang my suit up. drink does many things but seemingly it reminds me to care for my clothes, if not my liver.

i got talking to some lovely ladies too. i might tell you about them some nother time.

but now, i need to go and have some tea 'cos i'm a bit hungry.

i had a class november, what with going to the u s and a, stuttering lots and generally not worrying to much about stuff. worrying's no good for you. in fact it can be bad for you.

i hope you remember that my friends.

and so this is christmas

2004-11-23T00:15:00.000Z

i got back from the us and a yesterday and my housemates were having christmas dinner. was my flight really as long as it seemed? no worries followers of fun stuttering exploits. some australians were here and they hadn't had christmas dinner before. logical. it was quite lush. i ate it with a spoon as there weren't enought knives and forks. this made it taste better as it was more of a challenge to eat!

still, i was pissed off hearing slade today. will they ever learn?

as you can see, the eve of destruction passed with only mild symbolic carnage. prof got us and escprt to bypass a 45 minute security queue at LAX by carring the hubble telescope on the plane as hand luggage, and wearing a bow tie. of the bow tie wearing he said smugly 'i thought it might swing them into letting us through'. bow ties it is from hereon in kids.

the flight was a bit dull apart from a man with a handlebar moustache. it was really something. i wanted to clap it was so good but feared this may have caused alarm, especially in light of our bow tie/hubble incident. i think he may have been amish cos his wife looked like she had been sewn into her clothes. i didn't like to ask. not 'cos i'm shy, just 'cos i may have stuttered, lurched forward uncontrollably and blinded myself on the bristles.

beware the hirsute man...

pax stutteramus

the eve of destruction

2004-11-18T17:32:00.000Z

not quite, but we do leave tomorrow. this makes me a little sad, 'cos i'm learning like a high school student. i ain't no jock. but i am also happy that i get to drink pints again. there's a time and a place for fun size beers but i have a thirst on now.

apologies for the bizarre lines on yesterday's blog. blogger wasn't letting me play - so i had to moo-mail my blog. hence the crazy crazy franco baresi writing you saw.

had a long chat with vivian yesterday about working with kids. it's really great to get ideas on what to do, how to handle parents and that fact that it's usually their problem. we talked about letting the kids stutter their way out of it. she said there was this lady who wanted her kid to stop stuttering just like that. so when this lady was out on the front having a smoke viviin went out and asked if she'd liek to give up. lady say 'yes ma'am, but i can't'. vivian said 'well, your son's the same with his stuttering, he'd like to but he can't'. that made the lady see that you gotta live with these things and can't just fix 'em like that.

expose the iceberg, turn some heat on it, and it'll melt in time.

prof is doing well, but i asked him to refrain from driving with his 9 pairs of stuttering stunglasses. i like life and it'd be a shame to die in a tragicomedy event with big glasses, big hair, and open top fun bus and stuttering.

finally, we went to mel's again last night. no lucille, but autumn looked after us. i know what you're thinking. it does sound like a lapdancing joint, but really it isn't. we have paid no money for ladies on this trip, not even in a hugh grant stylee. no siree bob.

in there i had a chat with a brother. he thanked me for holding a door for him, and described it as a 'smooth move'. they are so impressed by the little things here, which makes me smile, especially inside. anyway, he sang a bit of pretty woman to me and commented how mexicans wash their hair in the sink and blow dry in on hand dryers. i nodded and smiled, i was being a smoother mover, brother.

so, off for another chat with vivian, and then the group tonight. don't think i'll get a chance to write any more tomorrow so thanks for tuning in folks. talk to you next week.

remember...

stuttering ain't so bad, fluency ain't no golden smile,
take some time to melt your iceberg, it gonna take a while

goodnight l.a.

positively 4th street

2004-11-17T18:24:00.000Z

you gotta lotta nerve to say you are my friend, when i was stuttering
you just stood there grinning.

yeah! we spend a whole lotta time on 4th street yesterday. we went
for our tea with the prof's camarillo buddies again. tea was a bit
short like 'cos we went to a horse show and me and prof were late -
too much driving up the canyon y'all.

those of you who know me intimately will not be surprised at this
equine adventure. ok, so you will. i dunno why i went. the prof is
not sure why he did either. it was a bit odd, and ethereal, with
gypsy folk and white horses. a bit like ireland really. the
americans clapped and whooped and hollered at absolutely nothing. i
was left confused, and considerably more broke. someone is making
lots of money, and they should be stopped, before it's too late.

perhaps i should be stopped, and made to use my brain. this morning,
me and the prof agreed that such a trip to the fair should only ever
be made once in your life, if as often as that. learn from our
mistakes kids, else you be sorry.

we saw vivan earlier in the day. the prof wrote down her gems of
wisdom verbatim. this worried vivian, but she speaks sense. lots of
it made us laugh. we cannot print all of it as we may get sued. but
rock on mrs sheehan!

we ended the night without horses, fortunately. though i did ponder
the idea of a horseburger. the french occasionally need our respect,
very occasionally... we hit a jazz spot on 4th street. they were
doing it on the fly, no shit. we dug it. they dug us. but we
didn't have any hats so we stuck out like the ragtime flailers that
we are.

ain't no hiding from the stuttering big as vivian said earlier.

keep it real you hot dog cats. fly!

big bike bicycling riding

2004-11-16T17:07:00.000Z

no politics today kids, we don't want to appear to have too big a social conscience do we?

we did a big bike bicycling riding yesterday - it was muchos funos 'cos the weather's still lush, like an irish heatwave, even though we're in winter.

i tried to cool off in the pool after the big bike bicycling riding... another uber-error. pacific sand motel says their pool is heated. fibbers. perhaps once they heated it with a kettle, or perhaps they mean it's heated by the sun. either way, i did not stay long in there. twas like the north sea, on a good day. i fumed, but this did not sufficiently heat the pool.

the prof bought 9 pairs of sunglasses on our travels. the more he wears, the better his stuttering gets. we have captured this on video. i have emailed the wellcome trust for funding into investigating this as a phd research angle. 'stuttering stunglasses - the truth'. catchy? i thought you'd agree.

prof is on a roll. he postulates that the reason the streets of sanna moniker are so empty is that the good folk of l.a. just drive around their freeways all day, without going to work. 'cos the freeways are just full of cars, but nowhere else is. it's very strange, we have uncovered something here. if this is my last blog, you know why...

finally, we went to o'brien's irish pub last night. the most irish thing there was me, apart from the ginger spanish bar staff. it started really well 'cos i got ID-ed, first time in years. i had to laugh as i had no ID on me. the guy asked how old i was, i replied 27 and he laughed too. ah. what fun and laughing. worryingly, i am 28, and have been for some time. how can i forget? clearly i am getting on a bit.

good news - i fixed the blog so you readers can post comments being a nonny mouse, all two of you.

love and lime, kids

horses, religious fanatics and praising tony blair

2004-11-15T17:49:00.000Z

i was going to write a big ranting blog here about men on horses with flags, jesus and how we should praise tony blair. praise tony!

but i really can't be arsed wasting mine and your time.

suffice to say, after saturday's period of enlightenment, i dipped my big toe in the pool of lunarcy yesterday - and i did not like it. some people are really really really really really scary. really.

i would've rather have spoken to arnold about the epic battles in devonshire than deal with yesterday's nonsense.

fortunately i have some of it on video, so you people living on the island of ireland might be able to see it.

by the way, i'm still stuttering - but keep it to yourself.

peace (to all, even tony)

guess who's coming to dinner

2004-11-14T18:38:00.000Z

i didn't go to see vivian yesterday but the prof did. instead i did some retail therapy, which helped my stuttering. honest.

we went to a dinner party at some of robert's friends up in camarillo, no, not the place in the song. we drove along the highway with the top down with bob to serenade us, hollywood hills in the background. i recommend it to all!

dinner was great. and quite an interesting group of folk there. loads of whom had worked in tv - the man who produced the incredible hulk and, wait for it, murder she wrote! i didn't ask if angela lansbury was as cute in real life. there was also a man from playboy there too. he had no free magazines. useless fecker.

the best bit of the night was talking about their simian leader, who they all really hate over here, and consequently their hatred of the fools who voted for him and the rise of religious lunacy in politics. most of them aren't as daft they seem it appears. however, one bloke was as daft as he seemed and referred to devonshire, and said he could almost feel the battles when he walked on dartmoor.

i had to shoot him, for his own good.

i wish they all could be...

2004-11-13T20:05:00.000Z

well, not all of them, but some of them are rather nice...

took a ride up to malibu yesterday with the prof, with the top down, and brian and carl et al. provided the soundtrack to our 'youth'. living a cliche is tough but i think we coped.

we'd been to see vivian again. she came up with a great line, stuttering is like soup on the boil, you know it's going to bubble up but you don't quite know where or when - but you know it will. i reckon this'll come in handy with some of those still looking for 'the cure'.

i talked a bit about my stuttering to her and she kind reinforced wht i knew. i'm stuttering in the situations i do 'cos i'm still trying to cover it up, and play the fluent speaker's role - which, between you and me, we both know isn't really going to happen - 'cos i'm a bit of a soup man. in fact i'm mad for soup. so, time to let a few more stutters show, and enjoy them, and the soup.

simple!

talked about kids too. none of this teaching them to be fluent malarkey. let them stutter easily too. souptastic.

we drove along sunset boulevard and hit hollywood. it was a bit weird i must say. some lush houses which i'm sure i could afford. we went to mel's drive in for perhaps the finest burger ever in the history of burgers. and our waitress was lucille. i bet she didn't do her daddy's will.

but it ain't nothing to me, i i i i love her still.

21st place, santa monica

2004-11-12T17:31:00.000Z

so, off we went to see vivian. she welcomed us into her home and was sound as a pound. it's funny when you meet someone you've heard so much about, *and* seen on video...

she was great to talk to and offers some fine bits of advice. i said i'd like to be a bit of a sponge on this trip and all's going to plan so far.

we sat and chatted for a few hours in the morning, then went out to lunch to the souplantation - they have big portions, it explains a lot.

i got some good ideas about working with kids and how giving them and parents a goal of fluency isn't really the best idea. especially if it's the unobtainable. everyone's just being set up for disappointment in that case.

we came back later on in the evening for the weekly group and met loads of cool stuttering folk like ourselves. myself and the prof were welcomed in and people just stuttered along with us. the prof had quite a magnificent bout of stuttering. but it was fine and perhaps what he needed. i got to talk about the dual role conflict i have at times of being a stuttering SLT - it was reassuring to hear that joe sheehan went through the same thing and he stuttered his way through the problem.

there were some good lines people came out with which i wrote down - but i left my notepad in the car. eep. from memory though...

'it's not that i don't let my stuttering bother me now, it's just that i don't let it bother me as much' - which is something i've been working on for a while. it's always going to be there and bother me, but i do need to let it go sometimes. and then...

'quality of content' vs 'quality of delivery' - some people are not going to like what you have to say regardless of how you say it. it's not to do with your stuttering, so you can't hang all your failures in life on it, but that is sometimes forgotten.

and finally, i got to play their piano that joe played.

cool.

the other side

2004-11-11T17:34:00.000Z

i am blogging from the other side. i'm not dead. not yet anyway.

we are here in sanna moniker. it's rather nice. we had a lovely flight on a a american airlines. a a actually it seemed as if they were reminding me and the prof that we stutter as everywhere we looked were the letters a a. a a i don't believe how blunt some people can be. a a akshully it's shocking.

anyway. when we landed we threw caution to the wind and have hired a convertible. robert is aware of his own mortality and decided it's as good a time as ever to be fun rash and i'm trying to be as un speech and therapist like as possible. nothing at all to do with my pre-mid-life crisis.

we're off to see vivian now. we'll tell you how we get on.

peace to you, fluent or not.

i'm so excited

2004-11-08T19:47:00.000Z

and i just can't hide it. i can't.

look.

the ballad of st. kevin

2004-11-08T00:35:00.000Z

folks, i had to say, before i went to bed, that i had a really *lush* weekend.

i had one or two lemonades with lovely people throughout the course of friday, saturday and sunday. was out with my cousin kevin and a lady called helen - she is nice, and he is nice too. we met gráinne and liz - the girleens of area8 - they are nice as well.

'the 8 degrees of dub' (me, helen and kevin's newly formed band) went to glendalough on saturday and then went boozin' in town. we saw the bloke off coronation street who plays les battersby in the stag's head pub, he was sat next to a man who kinda looked like a bee gee. we went home and wrote a song about this, and other stuff too. we might upload it, cos it's really, er, nice. we called it 'the ballad of st kevin'... 'cos he had a monastery, and we couldn't find some famous cross that he hadn't finished. he was probably busy praying and keeping warm.

i spilled ketchup on my trousers when we were there.

that wasn't nice. i was a little bit sad.

i'm ok now though.

night.

all the leaves are brown

2004-11-07T21:52:00.000Z

soon, dear readers, i will be flying to the u s and a.

i'm going to see mrs sheehan who is a nice lady who works as a speech and pathologist - which is just like my job, but i'm called a speech and therapist. subtle. yes.

me and the prof are going to do some stuttering, but in an easy way. you might like how we sound. it's real easy on the ear.

it's time to pack up my troubles now, i'll be putting them in my old kit bag.

you should do the same!

l+l

8 days to go yes, that's right.

2004-11-02T03:10:00.000Z

only 8 days and i fly to the u s and a with the prof. i'm quite excited.

i'll place a wager that he is too.

am too excited to write. almost.

love and lime

workin' at the car wash blues

2004-10-14T23:18:00.000+01:00

today i had a hair cut. i quite like it, which is a bonus.

john o'connor said i was jonny really fun. he didn't lie.

night night

jonny really fun

the singing stuttering man

2004-10-11T03:47:00.000+01:00

good call by mr mambo.

he says that i should do some singing for jf&th when i hit the u s and a.

i'm off to sligo to do some stammering, then sheffield is certainly music central... www.weekendinsheffield.co.uk

so the logical step is to do stutters and sings in sanna moniker

yes please